Letter to Beth - 22nd Feb 2005
Here is a copy of a letter i sent to beth in february last year when we had started dating. It's interesting how problems are recurrent:
Beth,
Hi, it's Tuesday 22nd Feb. morning around 8 am, I figure your in class right now...learning. it's a funny week this...actually for me the "fun" started along time ago. I don't think I get to spend as much time with you and i have began to believe that i play some secondary role in your life.
The signs have been there for a while now, but i guess I'm a strong believer in commitment. I rest in the hope you'll approach US with the seriousness it deserves. Another issue i feel uncomfortable about is your expectation that i should always express what I'm feeling with out a reciprocal act on your part. I think this is an unfair expectation as we are both (i think) party to this relationship. The only way we can get to understand each other is if communication is 2 way no matter what the issue is....everything is important. We are both to imperfect people trying to make a perfect experience together and the only way we shall succeed is if we pick each other up when we fall.
The other issue of importance is something I mentioned earlier about your friends being a major influencing factor in your life. this is fair enough, friends are also important even to me. But under no circumstance will I ever let my friends play a central role in my life where I appear or I'm perceived to have a bias for my pals. I have the belief that when it comes to spending time together you'd rather be with your pals...for whatever reason...guess they are more value to you than I am. The ability of your peeps to "derail" you often strikes me as a bias as my suggestions are often short down with little or no consideration.
As much as I LOVE YOU I will not stand by and watch as I act as a spare tire. I will not under any circumstance compromise for what I want in my life. And as the situation is right now I feel that I'm not getting the BEST of you.
In reality I realise that I must be RESPONSIBLE for the situation in which i find myself. And It is in this realization that I write you this email. I must express what I feel and think. For I know if i don't my responses to the current situation might be considered RUSH. Beth, I'm not happy right now, our lack of communication constantly keeps me guessing. This is not a game for me it's real life with a potential to shape my future...and I'm not here to fuck around with that. Communication is really key to any relationship and it is an area where we are failing Miserably.
Anyway an email of this nature would not be complete if i did not point out a way forward. I guess we need to go back to first principles: the basis of my relationship with you is this; Love, Trust, Communication(openess),commitment, transparency and reciprocity. These for me are the pillars of any successful relationship. I will contribute as much as I humanly can....put in the work required....make the sort of sacrifices...that will make US a SUCCESS. What are you willing to put into this? I will devote more of myself (that's taking responsibility) to treating you like the queen you are, I will improve how I communicate to you as well as be more understanding and sensitive to your needs and desires. I really want this to work but I know it would happen if we don't put in the work to make this a success. It's usually difficult to fall in love with someone but rest assured it's even easier to fall out of love with someone especially when it is assumed that things will somehow(by some miracle) work itself out. Love is indeed a miracle but one thing many people fail to realise is that it is one of the few miracles that GOD allows us to create for ourselves, but GOD is no without a sense of irony, he gives us a gift which we must use or otherwise lose it.
Beth, I love you, I wouldn't have agreed to anything if i wasn't feeling you. I know I'm very demanding in my relationships because relationships are important to me. I guess J-lo takes the words right out of my heart:
"I would throw away my only wish just to prove to you (if I had to)
I would die all alone if living meant without you (if I had to)
I would go through all the pain again just to find you (if I had to)
I'd surrender all my love just because I love you"
"I wanna run to you
Breathe as one with you
Absent in time without you
Existing only for you
Every dream is of you
Only turn to you
My baby, my love"
P.s.- A written response would be nice
I guess I knew what i wanted made my thoughts clear. What happened along the way. I guess I got caught up.....isn't life interesting :)
Beth,
Hi, it's Tuesday 22nd Feb. morning around 8 am, I figure your in class right now...learning. it's a funny week this...actually for me the "fun" started along time ago. I don't think I get to spend as much time with you and i have began to believe that i play some secondary role in your life.
The signs have been there for a while now, but i guess I'm a strong believer in commitment. I rest in the hope you'll approach US with the seriousness it deserves. Another issue i feel uncomfortable about is your expectation that i should always express what I'm feeling with out a reciprocal act on your part. I think this is an unfair expectation as we are both (i think) party to this relationship. The only way we can get to understand each other is if communication is 2 way no matter what the issue is....everything is important. We are both to imperfect people trying to make a perfect experience together and the only way we shall succeed is if we pick each other up when we fall.
The other issue of importance is something I mentioned earlier about your friends being a major influencing factor in your life. this is fair enough, friends are also important even to me. But under no circumstance will I ever let my friends play a central role in my life where I appear or I'm perceived to have a bias for my pals. I have the belief that when it comes to spending time together you'd rather be with your pals...for whatever reason...guess they are more value to you than I am. The ability of your peeps to "derail" you often strikes me as a bias as my suggestions are often short down with little or no consideration.
As much as I LOVE YOU I will not stand by and watch as I act as a spare tire. I will not under any circumstance compromise for what I want in my life. And as the situation is right now I feel that I'm not getting the BEST of you.
In reality I realise that I must be RESPONSIBLE for the situation in which i find myself. And It is in this realization that I write you this email. I must express what I feel and think. For I know if i don't my responses to the current situation might be considered RUSH. Beth, I'm not happy right now, our lack of communication constantly keeps me guessing. This is not a game for me it's real life with a potential to shape my future...and I'm not here to fuck around with that. Communication is really key to any relationship and it is an area where we are failing Miserably.
Anyway an email of this nature would not be complete if i did not point out a way forward. I guess we need to go back to first principles: the basis of my relationship with you is this; Love, Trust, Communication(openess),commitment, transparency and reciprocity. These for me are the pillars of any successful relationship. I will contribute as much as I humanly can....put in the work required....make the sort of sacrifices...that will make US a SUCCESS. What are you willing to put into this? I will devote more of myself (that's taking responsibility) to treating you like the queen you are, I will improve how I communicate to you as well as be more understanding and sensitive to your needs and desires. I really want this to work but I know it would happen if we don't put in the work to make this a success. It's usually difficult to fall in love with someone but rest assured it's even easier to fall out of love with someone especially when it is assumed that things will somehow(by some miracle) work itself out. Love is indeed a miracle but one thing many people fail to realise is that it is one of the few miracles that GOD allows us to create for ourselves, but GOD is no without a sense of irony, he gives us a gift which we must use or otherwise lose it.
Beth, I love you, I wouldn't have agreed to anything if i wasn't feeling you. I know I'm very demanding in my relationships because relationships are important to me. I guess J-lo takes the words right out of my heart:
"I would throw away my only wish just to prove to you (if I had to)
I would die all alone if living meant without you (if I had to)
I would go through all the pain again just to find you (if I had to)
I'd surrender all my love just because I love you"
"I wanna run to you
Breathe as one with you
Absent in time without you
Existing only for you
Every dream is of you
Only turn to you
My baby, my love"
P.s.- A written response would be nice
I guess I knew what i wanted made my thoughts clear. What happened along the way. I guess I got caught up.....isn't life interesting :)
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