Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS

Nick put me on to this article.....damn it speaks the truth

I just found this extremely interesting article.  The title speaks for
itself.  As a self professed "nice-guy" I found it amazing how
*everything* in this article rings true.  ( queue "singing my life
with this song..tra la la" ).  It rankles slightly that the whole
"nice-guy" demeanour has been deconstructed so accurately and
incisively.


The truth is that us "nice-guys" often go for low hanging fruit ( i.e.
chics who are easy to get because they're vulnerable ).  We also go
for the basket cases because we think of ourselves as "helpers"  ( I
am so guilty of this.  I actually have an old love letter where I call
myself "born to help"...jeez ).  We also attract vampires,  predators
and their ilk ( because we're actually insecure so these parasites
detect the weakness and proceed to "use us and abuse us". )


Anyway,  enjoy the article. Forward it to all those so called
nice-guys.  We probably won't change but at least our faux-game will
be revealed for what it really is:)


ref:  http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml
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You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a
Heartless Bitch for dumping him."

I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women
must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have
failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic
that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all
mammals live in the sea."

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common
denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice
Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and
loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and
attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never
know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has
glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some
kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of
the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking
for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys",
stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts,
and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women
being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets
attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be
too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for
coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy
things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all
wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR,
they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to
be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the
courage up to ask her out for a "date".

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs,
and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of
appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals
are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we
tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she
is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone
else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he
believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no
longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's
being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on
her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an
unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely
state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that
any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead
of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she
doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that,
"Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them
to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an
equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is.
They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one
will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound
statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is
akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can
ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the
object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun
him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there
are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely
stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue
the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't
mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and
romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her
immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just
as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The
irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was
inherintly unlovable anyways?"

More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is
my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden
is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR
happiness? Get a grip!

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They
deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality
disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by
"helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person.
He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she
will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice.
He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like
themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly
love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys
mistake obsession for "love".

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to
LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go
after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with
whom a long-term relationship is possible.





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